Praying
by xxBellaNottexx
Summary: Sakura Hayashi was taken from the Soul Society to Hueco Mundo by Sosuke Aizen. Afters years of abuse and developing Stockholm Syndrome, Sakura has now returned to the Seireitei to rebuild the life she once knew. It's not going to be an easy road, but she's willing to get back everything that she once held dear. OC/Kensei
1. Starting Over

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Bleach. I only own my OC, Sakura Hayashi. Raihiko is owned by my good friend, thatredheadedchick.**

 **Any grammar mistakes that were made in the original document have been fixed. I was able to get to a computer and fix everything up.  
**

"Name?" Said a rather spiritless voice of a man. He sat at a short, rectangular table, looking down at a sheet of paper. He was taking notes -notes that would be used in a judgement against a former captain.

A youthful looking woman sat at the other end of the table, with her hands folded into her lap. Her peridot eyes focused on the surface, as she pursed her lips together. Her brain was pounding, and even after hours of experiments, she still didn't feel like her old self. Everything was still hazy and she couldn't help but to think those scientists lied to her. Perhaps this was all a ruse, just to get information out of her.

No. No, that wasn't true. She shook her head quickly, knocking the idea from it.

"Sakura Hayashi. Former captain of Squad 10." She wrung her hands together, trying to make herself believe the words that were to come out next. "Wi-...ex-wife of Kensei Muguruma."

The man looked up from his notes, nodding once. His face had changed from being expressionless to somewhat shocked. Sakura hardly recognized him, having only seen him a few times in passing when she was still a captain. Sakura looked up to meet his gaze and quickly looked back down. She wanted so badly to sink into the ground and go back to _that_ place. At least there, she believed it to be real.

"Keep going. Nothing will be held against y-" The man cut himself off as Sakura lifted her head and glared at him.

"Sorry. Just... You won't be indicted for any of this."

"Right," replied the raven haired woman.

Silence filled the room for moment as she composed herself. She continued to speak to the man for hours. Finally, unveiling her story after weeks of being held in the prison of squad six. Only days later, she would be spinning the same tale to a room full of members of Central 46, as well as all 13 captains.

"I was a captive of Sosuke Aizen."

"A willing one," said a snarky female, hiding behind her screen. Sakura could see her fanning herself, as her eyes shot up in momentary stunned silence.

"No!" That was her initial remark before shaking her head. Her brain buzzed, trying to make her remember the truth. She was getting glimpses of her tome in Hueco Mundo, as well as her time in the seireitei. "I... maybe... I don't know!"

"Why are we even doing this? She's either a beautiful liar or she can't remember anything prior to Aizen changing her perception." Said another voice, this one was male. He sounded annoyed, and she couldn't blame him.

"No, please...I just..."

"Give her a moment. This is difficult for her." It was the Head Captain speaking, his gravelly voice filling the void in the large room. Sakura looked back at him with a small smile, thankful for the support. For the briefest of moments her eyes met Kensei's, causing her breath to hitch. Everything that Aizen had ever told her filled her head. She shook it, trying to remove the terrible thoughts.

Taking in a deep breath, she righted herself as quickly as she could. If she could just get through this, she could start rebuilding herself.

"I was an _unwilling_ captive of Aizen. The night everything happened is the same night that my perspective of things was changed." Sakura's eyes shot up to the seat of the snarky woman. "Without my permission."

"Proceed," she snipped.

"I was told my Sosuke that the Soul Society had fallen and had been corrupted. He painted Captain Muguruma as the main antagonist."

Kensei moved uneasily behind Sakura, as he stood with the other captains, visoreds and lieutenants. Mashiro placed a hand onto his shoulder, trying to comfort him. She knew had badly he was hurting. For over a hundred years, he thought Sakura was in the soul society, having accepted his death. He missed her every day. Every single day. Come to find out, she had been living in Hueco Mundo, as Aizen's "queen". Those were Aizen's words and they had made his blood boil. Even now, as Sakura talked, he thought of that disgrace touching the woman he loved.

"Tosen was my friend and when he backed Sosuke up, I believed it. There had been so many strange things going on in the seireitei and no one had a clue as to who or what it was." Sakura swallowed, wanting so badly to look back at the visoreds.

"Can you blame me?" She said, lifting her tied hands. "I had no idea what was going on. The only thing I knew was that Captain Muguruma had gone missing. Being that I was his wife, the head captain thought it too personal for me to go looking. He thought my feelings would get in the way. And... he was right.

"What do you mean by that, Miss Hayashi?" It was the voice of a man, who sounded similar to the head captain.

"Well, I disobeyed head Captain's rules and went to look for him, shortly before Shinji and the others did. When I got to the area he went missing at, I saw Sosuke. He ran over to me, telling me that we needed to escape. Captain Muguruma had gone mad and was attempting to take over the soul society. Tosen, then, said, "it's true. He's already converted half of them.""

Before anyone could speak, she continued. "Granted, I didn't fully believe it at first. I never would have thought Kensei would do something like that but before I could process it, everything went black. Next thing I knew was I waking up somewhere that was not the Seireitei."

"And where did you wake up?" Said the same voice. The damn screens, that hide their face, irritated Sakura. They always did.

"I learned it was called Hueco Mundo. Sosuke told me it was a safe haven that he had learned of. He had spent months finding it. He said he had started looking once Captain Muguruma began his planning."

"And how did he know about this supposed planning? Also, how did you stay there for so long? Aizen hadn't disappeared yet."

"Sosuke is an observer. He watches people, studies them. I'm assuming that's how he found out. He never actually told me. As far as him not disappearing, he would come and go from Hueco Mundo. Never really told me where they would go."

Kensei shifted again, as he tilted his head to the side. It was bothering him that she called him by his first name, almost intimately and how she would call Kensei - "Captain Muguruma". It was as if she forgot how long they were together and all the intimate moments they shares, even the ones that were frowned upon when she was just a subordinate.

"And you do realize that this was all a lie?"

"I do now, but you have to understand that for years it's what I believed."

"If my third seat could interject for a moment..."

"Of course, Captain Kurotsuchi." It was that damn woman again.

Sakura looked behind her to see Akon step forward. He oversaw all of her testing. "Sakura Hayashi is still picking up the pieces, so to speak. Her mind is, essentially, a maze right now."

He took a breath before continuing. He seemed to linger, almost not wanting to go on. "On top of that, her years of captivity have given her Stockholm Syndrome. Sakura eventually fell in love with love with Aizen, due to years of abuse."

Sakura pursed her lips, as one of the male members spoke up.

"What sort of abuse?"

Akon cleared his throat. He really didn't want to spill all of the woman's secrets but it was the only way to keep her out of the maggots nest.

"From the memories we saw of Hueco Mundo, anytime Sakura refused Aizen sexual contact, he would just take it. Oftentimes, he would rough her up a bit, before holding her down and forcing her to do whatever he pleased."

His words caused Kensei to clench his hands into fists. Both Lisa and Mashiro placed a reassuring hand onto him. Lisa leaned over and whispered to him. "Relax. This needs to come out."

"There were also times when she would question the validity of his stories. We ended up seeing, from Aizen's memories, that he would recondition her."

Sakura flinched at the memories that came flooding into her mind. There were countless times when Sosuke would force himself on her and for a long time, she thought it was fine. Honestly, she didn't think he could do anything wrong.

"How so?"

"From what she told us and from what we examined with her and Aizen's memories, it was found that any time she had a vivid dream about the past. The past that Aizen wanted her to forget... He would find a way to twist her reality back into his favor. They were almost an equivalent of hypnotic trances he would put her in. Usually with a drugged drink."

A very squeaky sounding woman spoke her. Her voice was rather high pitched and almost childlike.

"Why didn't you try to escape or fight back, if you don't mind me asking, Miss Hayashi?"

"I couldn't. Physically. Sosuke was a lot more powerful than me. Besides, I was made to believe that my powers were gone. I was, essentially, just a spirit. Sosuke made it very clear that Tosen, Gin and he were the only ones left with any sort of power. I still had my zanpakuto but it didn't work."

"But you do still have your abilities... and then some." She spoke.

"Yes. It was discovered that I am too a visored. I don't remember any of the training though. It's all a blur."

"Well, if you are not thrown into prison, we would have to find some sort of work for you to do. Perhaps the noodle house." The snarky woman from before spoke again. It was so blatantly obvious that she disliked Sakura. She could almost guarantee she was a member when Kensei and Sakura went through their case.

"Nonsense," said another member. "A lot of us remember former Captain Hayashi. She was always a wonderful asset to the gotei 13. This unfortunate circumstance shouldn't tarnish the name she built for herself."

"Rubbish!" She woman yelled, slamming a first down. "The name she built for herself?! Do you mean when she slept with her captain when she was a third seat? Or the fact that we dismissed how dangerous her zanpakuto is?"

"Enough!" A man sitting closer to the front shouted, his voice booming and echoing throughout the large space.

Akon moved his hands behind his back, and studied the back of Sakura's head. He could see from where he was standing how stressed and anxious she was becoming. It seemed as if all of the muscles in her back were tense. He sighed to himself, feeling awful about how she was feeling.

Everyone fell silent for a moment, the members of Central 46 looked as if they were all jotting things down. It only took a few seconds for them to all start whispering to one another. Sakura's case was unique in that she was pleading that she was under an illusion the entire time she was in Aizen's clutches. The members of Squad 12 quickly deduced that that was in fact, correct. Sakura had no real knowledge of what Aizen had been planning on doing. She was under the impression that he was trying to start a new seireitei with the being Aizen "found".

"Just a few more questions, Miss Hayashi." Said another older gentleman. His voice was soft.

"Of course," she responded, rather sheepishly. She had just been reminded of her prior incidents with Central 46 and she realized she was probably the only Shinigami who saw them on more than one occasion.

"How did you learn that everything you thought you knew was a lie?" The man's voice was much softer now, after having put that snarky bitch in her place.

"There was this room that I wasn't allowed to go in or even go near. It was like his office or something. I started having more and more vivid dreams of past events. I started getting more curious about what they meant. At this particular time, Sosuke was bringing up Ichigo Kurosaki more often. He had explained to me that Ichigo was trying to disrupt all the good work he was doing."

Sakura twisted her hands in her lap and sighed. "I snuck into the office one day when he left. Inside I found a notebook of everything that he's ever done and what he was planning on doing. After I read through I became sick to my stomach and knew that I needed to pretend from there on out. Thankfully it was only a few months before the events of Fake Karakura town took place."

"And that's when you took the fighting side of the shinigami."

"Sort of. My skills were ... lacking, to say the least. I had gone so long without using them that I had no real idea what I was doing. Had it not been for Captain Kyoraku, I might have died."

Silence filled the room again, only for a short time before a member spoke up. He explained that they would need to deliberate with the head captain and make their final decision on what Sakura's fate would be. The black haired woman stepped outside with the other captains, visoreds and lieutenants. She felt increasingly uneasy, as all eyes focused on her. The few captains that she hadn't recognized made her the most nervous. They didn't know her, or really anything about her, other than what they heard inside. Sakura already knew that their first impressions of her weren't exemplary.

Sakura went to walk away from the group, just wanting to be by herself. However, before she could take a step, Mashiro ran over to her, wrapping her into a tight embrace. She reminded her of Nel. Or maybe Nel reminded her of Mashiro. Either way, the abrupt action wasn't appreciated and caused Sakura to tense and push the girl away with a shove.

She took a step away from her, wrapping her arms around herself. She heard a gasp from one of the captains, as Kurotsuchi grumbled.

"Don't touch her, you imbecile. You just heard my third tell you what happened. What makes you think she wants physical contact?" He brought a hand to the side of his face and rolled his eyes.

"Honestly..." He continued.

Mashiro narrowed her eyes at him, as she folded her arms over her chest. Before she can speak, however, Kensei reeled her back in, his chestnut eyes lingering on Sakura. She caught sight of him staring at her, and decided to turn from the group. How long would it take to deliberate her fate? She wished they would hurry up.

About twenty minutes later, everyone was called back inside. Sakura would finally be given her judgement. She stood in the spot she had previously been in, her hands tied in front of her. Since they had removed her from her cell, she had been in uncomfortable binds.

"Sakura Hayashi, it is clear to us that you were a pawn in the games of Sosuke Aizen. Therefore, you will not be charged with any crimes." Said a kindly man. "We, however, are not sure where to place you. You were once a captain and placing you back onto a squad at a lower rank would be an insult, in our eyes."

"The noodle house is still an offer," murmured Sakura's new best friend. She rolled her eyes, as the gentleman who first spoke continued.

"Anyways... we will let the Head Captain choose where to put you. Head captain?"

Captain Yamamoto stepped forward, his long beard nearly touching the floor. "I would like to place Sakura Hayashi back in her original Squad. Squad 9, under the supervision of Captain Kensei Muguruma."

Kensei straighten up at the announcement. He was, secretly, thrilled but refused to let anyone see it. He needed to remain stoic and professional.

"She will be placed as a co-captain. I believe in what you have said about demoting her and feel that, while she recovers and relearns her roles as a captain, Kensei would be the best teacher."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Sakura bit her bottom lip before letting out a long sigh. Right now, she'd probably prefer working at the damn noodle house. Being so close to Kensei was going to be tough. Exceedingly tough. For years she believed him to be a monster. It wasn't until a few years prior, when karakura town happened that she learned the truth and ever since then squad 12 was helping her pick up the pieces. Granted, she was happy that she would finally be leaving her cell.

"It's settled then. Sakura Hayashi, you will be co-captains with Kensei Muguruma of Squad 9 until you have fully restored your former self. He will guide you and reteach you how to fight and protect." And just like that, the hearing was over. A guard walked over to her, freeing her from her binds. She let her hands drop to her side, as she cursed under her breath.

The ever present snarky filled bitch spoke out again. "We don't want to see you here a fourth time _Miss_ Hayashi."

Sakura didn't like the emphasis she put on that 'miss' and raised a brow at her.

"Yeah, well the first time was idiotic..."

"Ha!" A male let out a hearty laugh and smacked the table in front of him. "That's the sass that we used to see from you! We know you'll be back to your old self in no time."

The mystery woman ignored him. Her voice rose an octave and Sakura knew she pissed her off. It made her smirk. "Sleeping with your captain as a subordinate will get you here!"

"Not exactly. It's not against the law to have sex with your captain in the hot springs on a lovely night when the sakura blossoms have bloomed and are falling around your naked, wet bodies in a picturesque type of way. It is, however, frowned upon." Sakura said, her smirk growing into a shit eating grin.

"Get her out of here before I throw her into the maggots nest myself!" The woman yelled, pointing a long finger down at the raven haired, Sakura. The same man bellowed with laughter, as a few more joined in. Lisa Yadomaru raised her brow in an amused fashion, as did Captain Kyoraku.

Kensei stepped over to her, gently taking her arm. Even a gentle touch put her off, and Sakura squirmed away from him. She, quickly, turned on her heel and left the building, with Kensei, Mashiro and Hisagi in tow. Once they were outside, Kensei quickened his pace to keep up with Sakura.

"Hisagi, go ahead and get the squad ready. We're going to have a meeting."

"Yes, sir," he said before taking off. Sakura really didn't want to meet anyone else today. She just wanted to be assigned a room and go to sleep. She folded her arms over her chest as they walked towards the squad 9 barracks.

Any clothing that she had on her when she got to the seireitei had been destroyed. The only thing she had was a flimsy prison gown on. She hadn't noticed until now just how naked she felt.

It didn't take them long to get back and once there, Sakura stopped short of the meeting hall. "I need some clothes, Kensei..."

Mashiro perked up, taking off before anyone can say anything to her. She returned a few moments later with a skin tight jumpsuit in bright colors. Sakura raised a brow at it, as Kensei cleared his throat.

"Mashiro, I don't think-"

"It's fine," said Sakura in an annoyed voice as she took the clothing from Mashiro's hands. She found the storage room and quickly got changed inside. She left the gown on the ground, not caring what might happen to it. As far as she was concerned, that gown signified a moment in her life that she wanted to forget.

When she stepped out of the closet, Kensei and Mashiro stared at her. Mashiro grinned, while Kensei looked as if he just saw someone famous. Once he realized what he was doing, he snapped back into his typical stoic state. Sakura felt weird wearing Mashiro clothes and was even more weirded out at how form fitting they were. Sakura had always been someone to wear tight, form fitting, low cut clothing but Mashiro wasn't. At least to her knowledge. When Sakura was still a captain her shihakusho was so open at the chest that one wrong move and her nipple might pop out. However, in the years she lived with Sosuke, her clothing had become more conservative.

"All right, let's get it over with." She said, folding her arms back over her chest.

The meeting that Kensei conducted with the entirety of Squad 9 was awkward to say the least. They had a lot of questions and Sakura didn't want to answer any of them. A lot of them had to do with Aizen, of course. Kensei did most of the talking because of it. When everyone had left, Sakura followed Kensei and his two lieutenants back to his office. They were dismissed from their duties for the day, as it was getting dark out.

"We don't have a room made up for you yet, since the captain commander made that decision on his feet." He shuffled, uncomfortably, which was out of character for him. Sakura always knew Kensei to be very confident in how he held himself. For whatever reason, he was stumbling around her today.

Sakura walked over to his desk and let her fingers glide against it. Oddly enough, it was the same desk he had before the incident. Apparently, no one had wanted to redecorate. Her mind began to wander, as she tried to remember all of the moments she shared with Kensei in this very room.

"You can spend the night with me."

She shook her head, as she turned towards the tall, silver haired captain. "No, that's not a good idea."

"Where are you going to sleep then? Outside in the dirt?"

Sakura examined his face for the first time since returning. She hadn't done more than glance at him in the past few months. Because of it, she hadn't noticed how different his hair looked or that he now had piercings. She averted her eyes to the floor, not saying anything. As much as she didn't want to think it, she couldn't help but think that he was still gorgeous.

"Look, I'll stay out of the bedroom. You can lock the door and be by yourself. Tomorrow you'll have a place set up."

"Yeah, fine." She said, leaning against his desk, her eyes not leaving the floor.

She heard him sigh before walking out of the office. She followed behind him to what used to be the home they shared. It wasn't a long walk, so it didn't give Sakura a whole lot of time to reflect. She brought up a few memories, most of them having to do with waking up naked next to Kensei. She felt a jolt of energy surge through her body of the thought of his hands on her. It was too early to tell if it was a good sign or not.

Inside the home, Kensei went to grab some things to make himself comfortable for the night. Sakura felt a little guilty not letting him use his own bed but she knew that he wouldn't change his mind. Kensei was always very stuck in his ways and his honor was impeccable.

"Everything is ready for you... you know where to go. If you need me, just yell or come get me." He settled down into the spot he would be sleeping in, on a couch that she had never seen before. When he caught sight of her confused expression, he felt the need to explain.

"We were exiled to the world of the living and this was a couch that we had there. I wanted to bring it back... memories and what not."

Sakura nodded, without saying anything else and moved into the bedroom. She felt Kensei's eyes on her, as she shut the bedroom door. Closing her eyes, she let out a deep breath as she pressed her back to the door. She wouldn't lock it, knowing that Kensei would never harm her. At least, now she knew. A few months ago would have been a different story.

Sakura sat on the bed for what felt like hours, looking around and remembering things that she had long forgotten. Butterflies filled her stomach anytime n intimate memory would surface, like when they would lay together and Kensei would whisper sweet nothings to her. It was a side of Kensei that others didn't get to see and Sakura remembered how much she cherished that. Their relationship had its own secret language that she loved.

Sakura had fallen asleep at some point, reveling in the memories that were made in that room. Pleasant dreams filled her mindscape but were interrupted by someone coming into the room. Her bright green eyes popped opened, adjusting to the darkness around her. She stayed as quiet as she could, as she felt someone moving into the bed with her.

This had to be dream. Kensei said he would leave her alone. Flashbacks of Sosuke entering their bed, late at night, flooded her mind and she tensed up. A hand slithered around her and she couldn't help but scream and push away whoever it was. Darting up, she pulled the chain to a bedside light. As soft yellow light filled the room, she saw a woman next to her, with an irritated look on her face.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Sakura yelled, as Kensei ran into the room, half naked with tachikaze. The woman next to her had black hair and striking green eyes.

With a sigh, Kensei ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't think you'd be coming here tonight."

"Why is she here, Kensei?!"

That voice. That fucking voice. It belonged to that snarky bitch from central 46. Kensei looked at the women before focusing only on Sakura.

"Sakura, this is Akiko. She's my fiancée."


	2. All Thighs and Swollen Eyes

All Thighs and Swollen Eyes

Sakura's eyes darted between Akiko, the bitch from Central 46 and Kensei. She was speechless. He had moved on and found someone else? That was rather shocking to her, as Kensei had never really expressed any interest in women before he met Sakura. That was according to Mashiro, of course. Folding her arms over chest, she shrugged, pretending not to care. Even if she didn't want to be with Kensei, she didn't exactly want to see him with anyone else. Her emotions were all over the place and seeing him with this new woman threw her off. She wondered to herself if this would back track any progress she had made moving forward and rebuilding her old life. Perhaps she would just need to learn to accept it, which she figured she needed to do. It would be foolish to think that Kensei would stay single forever, especially if she ever planned on dating again. Right now though, it was sort of a blow to her heart.

"I'll leave," she said, finally, standing from the bed and walking towards the door. Kensei stood in the doorway, blocking her exit. His eyes were fixed on the woman still sitting on the bed. Sakura didn't need to look at her to know she was giving her a death glare. She couldn't almost feel the white hot daggers that were her pupils making holes in the back of her head.

"You need somewhere to say," he said, looking down at her average stature. Sakura stood a few inches under Kensei's height of 5'10". Behind her, Akiko cleared her throat, not liking her man being so close to his ex. Kensei's chestnut eyes fell on her, causing him to sigh. He really didn't want to deal with this petty childishness right now. "Look, she needs a place to stay. It's fine."

"No, it's not. This is our home and she's not welcome here."

Sakura moved past Kensei, her fingers gently pushing at his bare chest. His skin pricked under her gentle touched. He didn't really want to move, but he did. He hadn't seen this woman in so long and now she was back, in their home, in their bed and she was being forced to leave.

"It's fine. I'll find Mashiro and bunk with her for the night." Sakura had nothing to gather, as she had just slept in the jumpsuit that Mashiro had given her and all her personal items were thrown away at the prison. As Sakura neared the door, she could hear Kensei and his new fiancée arguing about her. A huge part of her wanted to turn around and tell that little witch that this was originally her home but instead of being petty, she opened the door and left.

Finding Mashiro's room wasn't all that difficult. She had chosen to go back to her old room when she was first a lieutenant. Sakura knocked on the door until Mashiro opened it. She tried to give her a friendly smile but at this point, Sakura was just annoyed at what had taken place. Instead of asking her if she could spend the night, Sakura said, "Why didn't anyone mention that Kensei had a fiancée?"

"Uh, well-," Mashiro made a small face. "None of us have actually met her. We knew he was seeing someone, or so he said, but we've never met her."

She shrugged at Sakura before moving out of the door and letting her in. "Did he tell you?"

Sakura plopped down into the nearest chair with a huff. "No, she snuck into his bed, while I was in it!

Mashiro's eyes perked up as she went to sit down next to her. Sakura knew, instantly, that she wanted the rest of the story and that she assumed Sakura and Kensei were getting busy when the interruption happened. Sakura told her what had happened, much to Mashiro's disappointment. The green haired woman even pouted when she realized that Kensei was sleeping in another room.

"She's from Central 46. She's the one that, clearly, didn't like me. Did you guys know that?"

"No, like I said, we've never met her. He never really brings her up in conversation. We don't know her name, what she does for a living, what she looks like … nothing." Mashiro shrugged again.

"Well, that was a lovely shock." Sakura stood up and stretched. "If you don't mind I'm just going to fall asleep in that chair over there. I assume that's something you took from the world of the living?"

Mashiro nodded at her. "Yeah, we each took a piece of furniture we wanted to keep. Did Kensei tell you that?"

Sakura gave her a small nod, as she sat down and curled up. Mashiro went to bed a few moments later, wanting to let Sakura get some rest. However, sleep wouldn't come so easily for Sakura. She was plagued with thoughts of Kensei and then of Sosuke. For whatever reason, she wondered how he was and if he was okay. She _missed_ him, for a split second. Sakura shook her head, rather violently, trying to remember that she didn't actually love him and that it was just a symptom of her mental illness. She had to remind herself of all the things that Sosuke did to her, the things he said to her. She placed her palms at either side of her head, as she started to feel a panic coming on.

"Remember what Akon said. Remember what Akon said…" She kept repeating the words over and over to herself, as she started a breathing exercise. The members of Squad 12 would still be working with her to get her mind under control and to help her remember the person she used to be. Their ultimate goal was to bring her back to her old self and help her forget everything that happened in Hueco Mundo. While Sosuke never let her get involved in the goings on with the arrancar, she knew who they were and vaguely what they did. At least, when she learned the truth, she knew exactly what they were being used for. Before that, she was told that they would be fighting the soul society because of how corrupted it had become. Thinking about it, now, Sakura had no idea how she could have believed that for so long.

The next morning, Sakura met everyone on the training field, still in the jumpsuit that Mashiro had given her. She stood there as Kensei spoke to all of them, giving them clear directions on what they would be doing today. Some of them would stay behind and train, while others had other duties to attend to. Sakura was, technically, free to do as she pleased. Kensei figured she needed to get herself reacquainted with the Seireitei. Mashiro hopped at the chance to bring her around but was quickly shot down. Kensei told her she had other things that she needed to get done before she went out and 'gallivanted all over the city.' Mashiro stomped off in a huff to do whatever she needed to do, while Sakura stood by Kensei.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to just go off by myself for a little while." She didn't wait for a response. Sakura turned to walk away and was stopped by Kensei grabbing her wrist. Instantly, her body froze, remembering how Sosuke would grab her anytime she told him she 'wasn't in the mood.' Her brain ran through a hundred scenarios of what she could do but she was unable to move. Immobilized by fear. Kensei saw her body language and let go. He instantly regretted it, running a nervous hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry about last night. That had to be difficult for you."

"No. It's fine. I just would have liked to know that I was going to be sleeping in a bed where you've had sex with other women." Sakura didn't look at him. Instead, she focused on a cluster of trees in the distance. Her voice was sharp, filled with annoyance. She didn't want to show him that it made her mad because she had no reason to be upset. For years she was with Sosuke, even if Kensei didn't know it. She had convinced herself that he could do no wrong and that she actually loved him. She would be wrong to assume that Kensei didn't deserve to have someone else. He was just as deserving of love as she was. Sakura just thought that she would always be the only woman in his life and last nights harsh reality hit her harder than she wanted it to.

Sakura began to walk around, her arms folded around her in a protective pose. Kensei stood there, watching her leave, a frown forming on his face. He hated seeing her go and wanted nothing more than to run after her. He knew, however, that that wasn't the best plan of action. He needed to keep his distance, as much as he didn't want to. It wasn't fair to Akiko, nor was it fair to Sakura. She didn't want to be with him, at least that's what he thought.

"Sakura!" He called after her, not being able to fully stop himself from letting her leave.

She ignored him and kept moving. Right now, all she cared about was possibly getting some new clothes and food. All Mashiro had offered was sweet buns. She was given whatever money she had left over when she disappeared, which was quite a bit. Being a former captain had its perks, the money being the best one. She had grabbed some cash and went straight to the nearest clothing outlet. The seamstress that Sakura had gone to quite often in her younger days was, surprisingly, still around. Sakura walked into the small shop and smiled wide at a rather frail looking woman sitting at a table, sewing away. The woman stopped abruptly and lifted her head. Not turning around, she filled the air with her voice.

"Sakura Muguruma," she said, a happiness in her tone. "I haven't seen you in so long, my dear."

Oh, that hurt. Sakura hadn't gone by her married name in forever and while the seamstress probably didn't know, it still hurt.

"Hello Baba. My last name is no longer Muguruma." Sakura said, moving closer to the woman and taking a seat across from her.

"Surely you and Kensei are still together." Her old gray eyes looked up at the youthful Sakura with a concerned look. Sakura just shook her head, a frown filling her face.

"No, we haven't been together in a very long time."

"Well, that is a shame. He was so in love with you. What happened, dear?"

"Long story," she started. Sakura cleared her throat, wanting to get onto another subject. "I came here for an outfit. I need something other than this."

Baba looked at the outfit she was wearing and made a concerned face. "I know you love tight fitting outfits but that thing is hideous."

Sakura couldn't contain the laugh that escaped her lips. She wasn't going to argue that, as much as Sakura loved Mashiro, she absolutely hated her sense of style. Baba stood up, as best as she could, and walked over to Sakura. She tapped her legs with a cane, forcing the raven haired woman to stand up. Quickly, Baba took her measurements, even though she suspected they hadn't changed much. She pursed her lips together as she was in deep thought and a moment later, she was off. She got to work making a garment and without looking up, told Sakura to come back in a few hours. Baba worked fast, often having to make numerous shihakusho's in a single day.

Food was next on the list and Sakura walked until she stumbled upon a noodle shop. On the way there, she had what felt like everyone staring at her. It was as if she was some sort of alien, like she didn't belong there and hell, maybe she didn't. Not anymore, anyways. Wanting to get rid of all the stares, she entered the shop and went to sit at the bar. Another woman sat next to her, with long, flowing red hair. Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura could see her glancing at her. A cup of sake was placed in front of the red head and she cocked her head towards Sakura.

"Give the pretty woman something too. She looks stressed."

Raising her brow, and questioning her motives, Sakura looked over at the woman. "Uh, thanks…"

"Don't worry, I'm not into women. I've just been hearing a lot about you lately and figured you could use a nice drink."

"That is to say the least," Sakura said, picking up the cup and bringing it to her lips. The liquid flowed into her mouth, stinging her tongue. It had been so long since she had a drink that she had forgotten how even sake burned her throat. She was always such a light weight and just overall pathetic when it came to alcohol.

The red head fully turned to face her, holding out her hand for Sakura to take. With a hearty shake, she introduced herself as Raihiko Koybashi. She was a high ranking member of squad 8. Sakura greeted her back, giving her a small introduction of who she was, even though she was fairly certain that she didn't need to. She took another swig of the sake, as she waited for some noodles to come down the conveyor belt. You had to be quick at grabbing the noodles, otherwise you'd have to wait another ten minutes to get some. Sakura watched the trough as some fresh ones came sliding down, sloshing in the water. With her chopsticks in hand, she quickly scooped them up and plopped them into a bowl. Raihiko was busying finishing up her share, giving Sakura enough time to season hers.

"I see you've been in Mashiro's closet." Raihiko said with a laugh.

"No," Sakura started, laughing a little. "She, uh, let me borrow this until I can get some clothing. I'm going back to Baba's soon to pick up my new outfit."

"Ah, I see. That woman does good work."

Sakura nodded, as she placed some noodles into her mouth. She began to slurp the rest, eating as quickly as she could. Earlier, she hadn't wanted any company but this woman seemed to be friendly. She definitely didn't seem to be prying into things that she had no business prying into.

"So, if you don't mind my asking, why were you looking so glum walking in here?"

Welp, there goes the idea of not prying. Raihiko noticed the sudden drop in Sakura's face and quickly apologized. She offered to change the subject but Sakura held up a hand. Perhaps it was just better to get it off her chest, instead of holding it in. Wasn't like it was doing her any good by keeping it a secret. Maybe someone who isn't biased would be the best person to share her sorrows with.

"I just found out my ex-husband has a new fiancée that looks, shockingly, a lot like me. Surprise, surprise. I suppose the big idiot has a type." Sakura stirred her noodles around with her chopsticks before looking up at Raihiko with a sigh.

"Ah, Kensei Muguruma. Yeah, I heard you two were a thing some time ago. Before…. All that shit happened."

"Yup. He's moved on and that's…" Sakura paused for a second, gripping the chopsticks tighter in her hand. The force of her grip was so tight that the poor bamboo sticks were starting to crack. "That's completely fine. He's allowed to see other people."

Raihiko watched as her knuckles turned white and bit her lip. "Uh, well it seems you aren't too thrilled about it."

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to knock her teeth down her throat." Sakura said, placing the sticks onto the table in front of her. "I need to behave though. He's moved on."

Raihiko let out a roaring laugh. "No! Women who behave seldom make history."

"You have a point. In all honesty though, I don't even know if I want to be with him anymore. I think I'm just made that's he's moved on. Before me, he never had anyone. Had no interest in being with anyone, then I came along and fucked all that up. Slept with him when I was still his seventh seat, got in trouble for it and we had been together ever since then. Once everything happened with Sos- Aizen, I guess he's been on his own, since I've been stuck in Hueco Mundo."

Raihiko listened, intently, as Sakura unloaded all of her problems onto her. A few hours later, and a few drinks later, Raihiko told her that she needed to head back to her squad. Something about a lot of training in the morning. She told Sakura that if she had needed anything to just come and find her. Sakura liked that woman, she was easy to talk to and have a similar disposition as she did. Sakura had finished her noodles sometime later and finally left the shop, to head back to Baba's. Her new outfit had to have been done by now.

"Sakura!" Baba yelled, as the woman entered the shop. "Try this on!"

She threw a shihakusho at Sakura and the woman raised a brow at it. Holding it in the air, she examined it, noticing it didn't have much fabric. Sakura was known for having low cut, tight fitting clothing but this seemed like it wasn't enough fabric. She was convinced it was actually a scarf and not a full uniform.

"Um…this is it?"

"Yes! Go try it on!"

Sakura went behind a screen and peeled off the jumpsuit that Mashiro has loaned her. She kicked it to the side, as she slid on the new clothing. It had that nostalgic new fabric smell as it slid over her face. She came around the screen and looked in a mirror, her jaw nearly hit the floor.

"Baba! What the hell-?!" Sakura turned to the side to see long slits going up the legs of the shihakusho. When she turned to face forward, the neckline on the uniform plunged down to her mid torso, her breasts nearly popping out, if not for a silver chain holding the opposing fabric together. Baba ran over and quickly placed what looked like a two sided pronged belt around her neck. She fastened it a little too tight, causing Sakura to choke for a second. The little old lady fixed it then took a step back.

"Ha! If Kensei doesn't get a hard-on from looking at you in this, then I have failed." She laughed, almost maniacally.

"Baba!" She was shocked at the woman's choice of words, even though she was never one to hold her tongue. However, Sakura looked at herself in the mirror again, and much to her surprise, she actually liked it. "Okay, I, actually, look really good. Like really good…. I'd fuck me."

"Ha! That's the girl I remember." She smacked Sakura on the butt before shuffling back over to her table.

Sakura's slender fingers traced over the choker, unsure of why the old woman chose it. Regardless, she liked it. It seemed to be a nice edition. Taking a seat, the old woman went back to making a different uniform for a different Shinigami. She glanced up at Sakura once, seeing the girl admire herself in the mirror. She asked Sakura what Kensei's new woman looked like, to which Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Can you believe she looks very similar to me? I didn't even mention that to him."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Black hair, green eyes." Sakura turned and moved to sit with the old woman. "Her boobs aren't nearly as big though. To be honest, they look like bee stings compared to mine."

"Yes, well, yours are hard to miss. Speaking of, do you remember that young Shinigami in your squad when you were still captain? Uh, Rangiku Matsumoto?"

"I do. She was promising. Very bland though." She replied, pursing her lips.

Baba smirked as her nimble fingers moved against the fabric on the table. "She took a page from your book. She dresses a lot like you used to. Low cut, form fitting clothes. That girl admired you."

That brought a genuine smile to Sakura's lips. It was nice knowing that there was at least one person that looked up to her as a leader. She knew that her squad respected her but she was unaware that she actually had people that wanted to be just like her. Sakura never really thought of herself as a role model. If she had, she definitely wouldn't have dressed as provocatively as she did.

"Good to know someone at least did. Pretty sure I'm a pariah now."

"In time, everyone will come around and you will be back to your old self. I see glimpses of your sass making its way out. I doubt Aizen let you be that way."

Sakura's lips pulled downwards in a frown. She shook her head, telling Baba that Aizen didn't let her do much of anything and she still couldn't wrap her head around how she had fallen in love with him.

"It was a mental malady. You had no real control over it."

With a laugh Sakura said, "I think you mean mental illness."

"Same thing. Mental malady rolls off the tongue better." She said, with a wave of her hand.

Sakura stayed with the old woman for a bit longer, talking about the past and sharing some hot tea with her. It wasn't as if Sakura had forgotten her past. In fact, she remembered all the times she had with her peers, her friends and most importantly, her husband. Aizen had only skewed the events that lead to Kensei and the others becoming visoreds and the truth about what he was actually doing. Sakura had many laughs with Baba in her time at the shop, recalling a very nasty incident with a young, clumsy shinigami and a pot of hot Sakurayu, or cherry blossom tea. The poor girl had slipped tea all over a draft design for Sakura's new shihakusho, which Sakura never got. Jokingly, Sakura had asked if the shihakusho she was currently wearing was the one Baba wanted to give her all those years ago. The old woman replied with a laugh, telling her that the one she was wearing was, in fact, "a lot sexier."

"I need Kensei to see what he's missing out on."

Sakura, with her cup of tea almost to her lips, placed it back onto the saucer with a slight clang. "Baba, no. Don't even start. He's moved on, I will too."

"Oh pish posh! He sees you in that and his jaw will drop. Don't you forget I make all of his shihakusho's too and he tells me his secrets."

Sakura stood up, quickly finishing the rest of her tea. She really didn't want to discuss Kensei anymore and she knew that Baba would continue on with the conversation until she was content with Sakura's answers. She gathered up Mashiro's jumpsuit, tucking it away in a bag that was originally for the shihakusho. She walked to the door, calling over her shoulder that she would be seeing the old woman again soon, as she would need more clothes. Baba looked at her with a sad expression, but waved her off anyways. For years she had acted like a mother to Sakura, as Sakura had moved so far from the rukon districts, she was unable to see her family. She knew she needed to back off and let Sakura find her own way, but she couldn't help herself. Kensei was the only man that Sakura legitimately loved and she was the only woman that Kensei had legitimately loved. To Baba, it was fate that they met and she would be damned if some little wench ruined that. She sipped her tea, as she watched Sakura retreat from the shop, her mind racing at the speed of light. She had to help her, even if that meant giving Kensei a slight push in the right direction. That choker might just do the trick, she thought as she smiled to herself.

Sakura arrived back at the squad 9 barracks, making her way to Kensei's office. She needed to know what he wanted them to do today, if anything at all. A huge part of her hoped that he wouldn't just dismiss her, wanting to get some "rest." She didn't need rest, she just needed to get to work and start rebuilding. Walking down the corridor, towards the captain's office, eyes fell on her. Everyone seemed to stare and she wasn't really sure if it was because of who she was or what she was wearing. When she noticed a few mouths hang open and eyes focus on a very specific area of her body, she assumed it was the latter. She tried her best to ignore it, like she did so many years ago but this was a weird experience. She was a co-captain with her ex-husband and she was so scantily clothed, she felt as if she was committing some kind of crime.

She stopped at Kensei's door and knocked before entering. That was custom for her, even when they were together. For Sakura, it was just a sign of respect. She had no idea if he had a subordinate in there that he was reprimanding, or having any other important meeting. The door opened a moment later to show the annoyed face of Akiko. She raised her brow at Sakura, opening her mouth to speak and then shutting it abruptly. Her eyes focused on the choker that sat on Sakura's throat and she was almost certain that the woman became red in the face. She turned to Kensei and with a huff told him that his ex had arrived and that she needed to leave. She pushed past Sakura making sure her shoulder came in contact with hers. With her eyes narrowed, Sakura glared as the woman walked down the hallway before entering the woman. Kensei was busy standing by his desk, facing the doorway. He hadn't looked up from the papers in his hand when Sakura had entered. She stood in the doorway and rolled her eyes, thinking about the woman and what just happened. That's when it came out, like word vomit.

"How you possibly be in love with that thing? She stampedes down the hall like a goddamn water buffalo. No grace or class."

She observed Kensei, taking in his form. That's when it hit her. His belt. His two pronged belt that he, now, wore with his shihakusho. She quickly slapped her hand to her throat hiding the jewelry that lay underneath. Now she understood the dirty look and shove she received from Akiko. Silently, she cursed Baba for shoving it onto her neck. That woman. With a roll of her eyes, she sighed, causing Kensei to look up. He stared longer than he meant to and he knew that Sakura saw it. He couldn't help himself though, she was almost an exact replica of what she used to be. At least in her shihakusho. Of course, this one was a lot more revealing than the others but he was quite okay with that. The dip in the neck line and the slits on each leg going up to her thighs, exposing her tattoo, made his breath hitch and his head spin. He cleared his throat, shaking his head once and clearing his mind of invading dirty thoughts.

"She's - uh- not that bad. Give her a chance and you'll like her," he started, before noticing her hand at her throat. "Unless she tried to choke you while she was leaving."

Sakura shook her head, backing out of the room. "No, no. I just forgot something."

"Well leave it. We need to go. Captain-commander wants me to get you right into training." He tossed the papers onto the desk and folded his arms over his chest. "The sooner we get it over with, the sooner you can get away from me."

His face was emotionless and she wasn't sure what he meant by it. Did he mean that he didn't want her around or was he aware of the fact that Sakura wanted to distance herself from him? Regardless, his words stung.

"It's not like that…"

"If you say so." He walked by her and out the door. She followed in tow, dropping her hand from her throat, completely forgetting about the damn choker. She followed him out to the training grounds and thankfully, they were empty. He quickly mentioned that he made sure that no one would be around, not wanting Sakura to get overwhelmed by people watching.

"Thanks," she muttered. Looking around, she didn't notice any weapons, only grass and dirt.

"Where…is my zanpakuto?" Kensei had removed his robe, leaving just the uniform underneath. As her turned around and faced her, she noticed that famous '69' tattoo on his chest and couldn't help but stare it. She remembered when he had got it done. It was around the same time that she got sakura blossoms trailing from her left ankle, all the way up her thigh. She was silent for a moment, just long enough for Kensei to notice that choker around her throat. A smirk spread across his face.

"Nice necklace." Showing confusion, Sakura raised a brow. Then it hit her and her hand shot up to her throat, as her face began to grow a few shades redder.

"It wasn't my idea."

"But you went along with it." Kensei was still smirking at her.

"No! I, completely forgot, that you had a belt around her shihakusho. Baba, however, didn't forget."

"Sure." He said, wrapping his hands in tape. The emerald green eyes of Sakura Hayashi narrowed at him for a moment, before realizing he was taping his hands. She scoffed, folding her arms over her chest.

"No! Where doing hand to hand?"

"Captain-commander wanted you to start that first."

"Fuck me! Kensei, no. You know I hate hand to hand." Sakura cocked her hip to the side, as she always did when she was annoyed with him. Well, annoyed with anything really.

He ignored her mini tantrum, throwing the tape at her. "Come on, let's go."

With a roll of her eyes, she started to tape up her hands. She muttered around his breath about wanting to 'seriously kick his ass.' Kensei smirked at her, as he leaned against the closet practice dummy and waited. He knew he'd have to go easy on her. Even when she was in her prime, Sakura was awful with hand to hand combat. She tried to stampede at people and that ended up with her getting knocked on her ass, even if it was a small woman taking her on. Maybe he'd go on the defensive and let her get a few punches in.

Sakura tossed the tape to the side and squared up. She felt like an idiot, a total fucking idiot. This had to be her second worst nightmare. Losing Kensei was, actually, her first. That one had already come true, so why not throw the second one at her? This life rebuilding crap was going really well, so far.

"Don't run at me, like I know you want to. You'll just get yourself." Kensei stated, taking a few steps toward her. He watched her body bounce a little, she was trying to hype herself up.

"Whatever old man, let's just get this shit over with."

"Old man? You weren't saying that years ago." He said with a laugh. He knew Sakura and how she liked to play head games with her opponents. She tried to talk her way to win, hoping to distract her opponent long enough to get a hit in. It hardly ever worked.

She took a step or two towards him and struck out but Kensei was quick to block her hands. She wasn't as fired up as he hoped she would be. It seemed like she was just going with the punches (pardon the pun) just because she had to. He wondered if he had gotten her angry, if she would, actually, try and fight him.

"You can do better than that. I know you can." Kensei mirrored her moves, circling around her. She questioned why he wasn't trying to attack to. He replied, explaining that he needed to gauge where she was and that he wanted her to hone her attack skills. Right now, she was trying to take the defensive and he refused to let her take the easy way out. If he was let her always take the easy way out, she never would have been pushed enough to become a captain. A good captain, at that.

"Akiko would be throwing a million punches at this point and hitting all of them."

Sakura straightened up, breaking her stance and glaring at him. She pointed a finger at him. "Don't even start that shit, Kensei."

"What? Bringing up that she's better than you?" Kensei cocked a brow, watching for her reaction and he got exactly what he wanted. He saw her posture change, as well as he attitude. He was starting to piss her off. Akiko was, for obvious reasons, a sore subject and while he felt bad for bringing her up, he knew it was bound to work. The two women, clearly, didn't like each other.

"Stop."

"I'm not doing anything. I'm just stating facts. She's better than you. At hand to hand, at sword play, at love mak-" Kensei didn't have a chance to finish his sentence, as Sakura fist slammed into the side of his face. He was taken aback, not expecting her fist to have so much power. He knew she was super pissed just at the sheer force she exhibited. She wanted to hurt him. He stumbled back for a second to catch himself, but saw Sakura running at him.

She didn't give him a chance to breathe, as she jumped at him. Sakura landed on him, causing him to hit the ground. Straddling him, she began to assault his face with her fists. Kensei was able to block most of them, but he still took a few good hits. He managed to get both of her hands under control, after a few minutes. His chestnut eyes stared up at her, impressed at how angry she got. To be honest, it brought him back to the past and how quick she was to temper, especially when it came to matters involving him.

"Okay, okay," he said, holding her wrists tightly. She struggled against them, wanting to get in just a few more hits. "You win."

"How fuckin' dare you!" She hissed, glaring down at him. Her eyes burning holes into him. "Don't bring that bitch up anymore!"

Kensei looked up at her, as calmly as he possibly could. He wasn't upset with her, or even shocked. He continued to hold onto her wrists, knowing that if he let go, she was going to get in another punch or two. "Got you to do what I wanted, didn't I?"

"No, all you did was fuckin' insult me and piss me the fuck off!" She ripped her wrists from his grips and removed herself from him. A part of her wanted to kick him in the ribs but he had taught her, long ago, to never take the cowards way out and kick someone when they were down. The temptation was strong though.

Kensei got up from the ground and folded his arms. He watched her start to stomp off, before calling after her. "We aren't done here."

She turned around, glaring and pointing a harsh finger at him. "Yes, we fucking are! You're playing head games and I refuse to stay here if that's how you're going to play. You're supposed to be helping me, but instead you're bringing up that bitch, who, surprise fucking surprise, looks just like me! Why? Because you can't let me go!"

She stomped towards him, her hands flailing as she yelled at him. Kensei just stood there, watching her and listening to what she had to say. She had every right to be upset, as far as he was concerned. He knew it was a dirty move, but he felt it had to be done.

"Because you couldn't have me, you tried to find someone to replace me. Guess what?! No one can fucking replace me! I am the only Sakura Hayashi around and that doppelganger bitch can't even compare!"

She wasn't wrong and he knew that. Everything she was saying was true. Kensei had often fantasized that Akiko was Sakura but it never really worked. While she looked similar, she lacked all the things that made Sakura, Sakura.

"If you want to continue to train me, you won't bring that fuckin' whore up again! I'm serious!"

Kensei made a rash decision and closed the gap between them. He knew she wasn't going to stop and the best way to stop her, was to occupy her. He grabbed her waist, bringing her as close to him as he possibly could and pressed his lips to hers. His brain was screaming at him, telling him it was a bad idea. However, his body couldn't stop itself. He, almost instantly, felt her tense up and then relax. After a moment, she pushed him away, with some force and backed up. Kensei eyed her, trying to see if she was all right and knowing that that one kiss might set her off. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like she wasn't safe with him. Her eyes fixed on him and she just stared, as her fingers moved to touch her lips.

He cleared his throat, making sure to keep his distance this time. "We're done here."

He turned on his heel and went to leave. He stopped, making sure to say one last thing to her. "Just remember that I'm not pushing you away. You're the one who seems to be uncomfortable with me, Sakura."

With that, he left, leaving her in the training area by herself. His words had infiltrated her ears, but she was still in the middle of processing what just happened. She stood there for a moment more before falling to the ground and just sitting there. Her green eyes stared at the area Kensei had left from, as she still tried to gather her thoughts.


	3. The Goddess

The Goddess

"And he had the nerve to kiss me?! He has some other bitch-"

"Sakura! How many times are you going to go over that day? It was over two months ago!"

Raihiko sighed, bringing a hand up to her face. Her noodles sat in front of her, steam rising up to her face. She gave it a quick blow, before picking up her chopsticks and plunging them into the noodles. Sakura watched her friends face, with a sullen expression. She was right though, Sakura needed to stop bringing it up. It wasn't like it was changing anything by complaining about it. Since the incident, Sakura had really distanced herself from Kensei. The only time she saw him was when they had to train. However, Sakura made sure they weren't ever training alone. She was sure that his new woman loved that.

"It's just- you're right. I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again." Sakura looked down at the table. Her fingers, lightly, touched the cup of sake in front of her. A steamed bun obscured her view of the wooden table, causing her to look up. Raihiko gave her a smile, as she pulled her chopsticks away.

"Eat. You'll feel better."

Sakura took her advice, picking up the bun and taking a hefty bite out of it. She hadn't realized until that moment that she was starving. Sakura and Raihiko talked about random things, including Sakura's past exploits. Raihiko, over the past few weeks, had become such a great friend and Sakura was thankful for that. Of course, she had her old friends but it was nice to have met someone new. Raihiko seemed to be extremely sympathetic to what Sakura was going through. She often met with Sakura after she had her psychiatric sessions with squad 12.

"How has it been going with them? Any recent changes?" She asked, shoveling more noodles into her mouth.

"Yeah, actually. Akon is doing a great job."

Raihiko looked up at her with a smile but Sakura knew she wanted to ask her something else. It was a question that just about everyone asked her or wanted to ask her. Mashiro, unlike everyone else, asked her all the time. Every day, to be exact.

Sakura looked at Raihiko and before she could even ask, Sakura answered the question that lingered on her lips. "I haven't thought about Aizen like that in a while. It's okay. Akon and the other members of squad 12 have really shown me what his true colors were. I'm really ashamed that I loved him for so long and for believing that Kensei was the one that did all that."

"As long as you're starting to feel like yourself again."

"I am. I feel a lot better." Sakura smiled, before she stood up and finished off her sake. She needed to head out to meet Kensei and the others. Kensei wanted to have a small meeting with both of his lieutenants and because Sakura was co-captain, she needed to be there. She said her goodbyes to Raihiko and left the small noodle shop to make her way to Kensei's office. As she walked, it seemed to her that less and less people stared at and that she was thankful for. She liked having attention on her but she definitely didn't want the type of attention she had been receiving. She had felt like a pariah for weeks and it was finally starting to break.

As she neared the barracks, she was met outside but Shuhei Hisagi, Kensei's other lieutenant. He gave her a nod as she approached. Sakura, since the day she had met him, had a hard time taking her eyes off the '69' tattoo that was on his face. It was focal point and she couldn't help but look at it. He never seemed to mind and she wasn't sure if it was because he didn't care or if he didn't notice. She had to figure it was the latter, considering the tattoo was so close to his eye.

"What should I expect today?"

"Nothing exciting. The captain just wants to speak with us about your training."

Sakura hated the sound of that. It made her seem as if she was completely incapable of fighting. In the past few weeks, she had gotten to a point where she was reacquainting herself with her visored powers. Her mask looked like it was the face of a cat. Well, at least that's what it reminded her off. It was similar in shape to Shinji's but had eyes that looked almost flattened, as if a cat was angry. Green vines swirled around it, giving it a bit of color. Sakura wasn't sure if visored masks held any meanings or if they were completely random. Either way, she kind of liked the way hers looked.

"Yeah, okay." She said, in a very blasé sort of way.

They stepped inside of Kensei's office and Shuhei closed the door behind them. Mashiro was already there, bothering Kensei, as he went over some paperwork. Sakura walked over to his desk and leaned against it. Her jade eyes looked down at him and smirked. Mashiro leaned over the desk, touching all of his things and Sakura could see the vein by his temple throbbing. Mashiro caught her eye and smiled.

"Kensei, can you get on with this meeting? Sakura looks as bored as I am."

He looked up from the desk to glance at the woman, before looking at Shuhei. Shuhei stood by the door, stoic and waiting for whatever the captain had to say. He was a good lieutenant, in Sakura's opinion. She could tell how much he respected Kensei, unlike Mashiro.

"To be honest, I need to speak with Sakura. You two don't need to be here."

Shuhei took a step forward, his face looking puzzled. "I thought you said it was a meeting for all of us?"

"No, I said I needed to have a meeting and if you would please find Sakura. I never mentioned you two."

Mashiro straightened up and scowled at him. She turned to Shuhei with the same annoyed look, before she made her way to the door. "You told me-"

"I know, sorry. I thought it was for all of us." Shuhei opened the door and ushered her out, leaving Kensei and Sakura alone.

Kensei looked back up at Sakura and took her in for a moment. "Sit down."

The raven-haired captain sat down into the chair directly across from Kensei's desk. He leaned back in his chair and cleared his throat. Before he could speak, Sakura spoke up. "This doesn't need to be long, Kensei."

"It won't be."

"Okay, so what do you want?"

"You're training took a lot less time than the captain-commander thought and he's not sure what to do with you. All of the captain seats are taken, as well as lieutenant seats. Even if there was a lieutenant seat open, he wouldn't feel comfortable bumping you down, since you were a captain for quite some time." Sakura folded her arms over her chest, causing her cleavage to become even more apparent than it had before. As she listened to his words, Kensei stood up and walked around the desk to stand in front of her. He leaned against the desk, crossing his legs and arms in front of him. His gaze, even when he wasn't meaning to be, was intimidating. Sakura, however, was used to it.

"And?"

"And, I'm not too sure what to do with you either."

"Cool. Cast me out then. If I'm not needed here, then I don't need to stay." Sakura leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. Kensei stared at her, trying to read her emotions, but they were non-existent. She shrugged her shoulders at him, before he continued.

"You don't want that. You would be devastated if you had to go back to the rukon." Sakura opened her mouth to speak, but Kensei cut her off. "How is your therapy going?"

"Fine," she started. "Nothing major. I couldn't care less about Aizen. I think I'm pretty much back to my sassy, bitchy self."

"You were never a bitch."

Sakura let out a single laugh and shook her head. She was silent for a minute. Kensei just watched her and she knew there was more he wanted to say but it was getting late. She stood up, the gap between them was very narrow. It made her somewhat uneasy and somewhat turned on. Her emotions when it came to Kensei were still all over the place. All of her therapy sessions had focused on her past and a lot of it consisted of her relationship with Kensei. All of the feelings she held in the past had started appearing again but she knew she couldn't act on them.

She cleared her throat. "I should go. Your woman will be expecting you soon."

Kensei raised a brow at her, as she began to shuffle past him. "We aren't together anymore."

"Yeah Kensei, I know that. That's kind of why we aren't sleeping in the same bed."

He rolled his eyes at her. Was she serious or did she actually think he meant her? "Sakura. I mean Akiko. Her and I aren't together anymore."

Sakura had her back to him and thankfully so. She smirked at the comment, silently reveling in the fact that that bitch no longer had her grasp on him. He had seemed like such a whipped puppy when she was around, as he was constantly trying to make sure she wasn't angry with him. Sakura knew she was being quiet for too long.

"Oh, that's quite sad. I'm sorry to hear that."

She walked to the door and placed her hand onto the handle. As she was about to pull it, she felt him come up behind her. Her body froze, instantly tensing up. As much therapy as she was having, there were still things that set her off. She had no idea how long it would take her for to be comfortable with anything romantic, even if it was someone that she trusted with all of her heart. Kensei placed his hand onto the door, keeping it from being opened. A rather huge part of her started to panic and she needed to remind herself that Kensei was not Aizen and that he would not hurt her. He would never think of harming her. She sucked in a deep breath.

Kensei bent his head down, his lips inches from the nape of her neck. Her hair stood on end when she felt his warm breath on her. A slew of memories hit her all at once, causing her to suck in another deep breath. If she wasn't careful, she would start hyperventilating. "You know you don't have to leave."

"Yes, I do. I need to leave." She didn't try to turn around. Instead, she tried wiggled the door handle.

Kensei raised a brow at her, confused at what she was doing. He knew that she was keeping her distance but he figured that she still felt the same way about him that she had so many years ago. Perhaps he was wrong.

"Sakura," his voice softened, as he lifted his head. He noticed her breathing. It was heavy and becoming more and more rapid.

"Kensei, I need to go."

"Okay, okay." He backed off, realizing that he was putting a lot of stress on her. As soon as he was off of her, she ripped open the door and fled. He walked into the hall, watching her leave. Her pace was quick, like she couldn't wait to get out of there. Kensei ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. He felt like an asshole and didn't know how to fix it. The best solution he could come up with was to let her come to him and if she didn't, then he would need to move on again.

Sakura made it back to her room in one piece. Her breathing had slowed and she was starting to calm down. After entering her room, she closed the door and pressed her back to it. Her head leaned back until it touched the dark wood. "Fuck! Fuck me."

She sighed, as she picked herself up and moved to her bed. She plopped down, staring at the wall across from her. If he didn't think she was a nutcase before, he must have now. She had almost had a complete meltdown just from him trying to touch her. It was clear to her that he maybe wanted her to stay the night and possibly have something spark but she had freaked out, completely ruining the chance. She shook her head, wanting nothing more than to kick her own ass. She eyed her zanpakuto in the corner, thinking about talking to the spirit within. Her decision bounced back and forth for several minutes until she ultimately decided to get up and meditate with it.

Sakura removed herself from her bed and quickly walked around the room, lighting candles. She flicked off the lights, before giving the room one last check. She grabbed the zanpakuto from the corner it was tucked away in and sat on the ground, making sure to fold her legs under her. Closing her eyes, she focused all her energy on communicating with the long lost spirit. She had spoken to her a week or so ago but before that, she hadn't made contact with the spirit in years. Aizen hadn't seen the need for it. The olive skinned beauty tapped deep into her psyche and after a few moments, finally reached her destination.

The world of Sakura's zanpakuto spirit wasn't big. It was quite small, with it only being what looked like the inside of a gypsy tent or a fortune teller's parlor. There were three rooms that made up the space, Sakura had entered the main one. Around her were ancient texts, colored bottles filled with mysterious liquids, incense, feathers, various stones and gems and Sakura's personal favorite, a beautiful round table with a large crystal ball in the middle. Two doorways were diagonal from here on either side of the room, each one closed off with a colorful beaded curtain. Sakura sat down at the table and waited, knowing full well that her zanpakuto spirit was lurking. Of course, Sakura was right, for not a moment later, she walked out of the room to the left with a wide smile.

She was gorgeous, at least to Sakura. She took the form of a woman, with pale skin, milky eyes and heavy eyeliner. Her lips were colored a smudged black, like she had been wearing lipstick for too long. Strings filled with small stones and gems hung from her wild black hair in random places, and on either side of her head were horn like structures that took the shape of crescent moons. She wore a simple black attire that had been dirtied over the years. It was adorned with large ancient gold coins and around her waist was a sash with smaller gold coins. Her clothing jingled with each step she took towards the table.

"Sakura," she started, her voice modulated and honeyed. Sakura knew she could trust her but anyone listening to her, would think otherwise. The spirit cocked her head to the side. "Pleasure to see you here."

"That is it, Kijo Muchi."

"What brings you to my humble abode?" She said, lifting her arms into the air around them.

"I just need to talk."

Kijo Muchi stared at her mistress for a moment, cocking her head from side to side. She was analyzing Sakura as she had done numerous times.

"About Kensei." She finally stated. She was a part of Sakura and knew absolutely everything about her. She knew what made the woman tick and knew what hurt her. The spirit even knew about her time with Sosuke Aizen, even if Sakura was very distant during that time.

"Yes. I …" Sakura hesitated for a moment. "He wanted me to stay the night and I freaked out on him. He came up behind me and I tensed up and almost went into a full blown panic attack."

The woman folded her hands in front of her as she fixed her gaze on Sakura. Her eyes were blurry and Sakura always took that to mean that she was blind. However, she had never asked.

"Sakura, you know that he loves you. And we both know that you still love him." She gauged her mistresses reaction and wasn't surprised to find that she sighed. Sakura didn't like delving into her feelings recently but she needed to. If she wanted to move on and get back to where she was, she needed to confront her demons head on.

"You've never really stopped, even when you were with Aizen. There were times that you pretended that he was Kensei." Sakura sucked in a breath and went to open her mouth. Kijo Muchi held up a warning finger and narrowed her eyes at the raven-haired woman. Sakura fixed her eyes down onto the table. She hated being scolded by a damn spirit.

"Don't you try to deny it. I know everything." She said, giving her a wink and tapping her temple. "Let him in, Sakura. He has never given you a reason to believe that he would harm you. In fact, he would do everything in his power to hurt anyone that hurt you. I can guarantee that he wishes he could kill Aizen for everything he's ever done. Especially when it comes to things that he's done to you. You are Kensei's kryptonite. He would do anything for you. That's why he left that woman."

Sakura's jade eyes shot up to look at her, noticing her slick smirk. She tapped her temple again and Sakura sighed. She knew that Kijo Muchi saw and knew everything, so she wasn't sure why she was so surprised.

"I suppose you're right."

"I am right. I'm always right." She leaned forward, her slender fingers moving around the crystal ball. "I know you miss him. You miss everything about that man. The way he smells, waking up to him, the feel of his body against yours."

Sakura sucked in a breath. "He will not hurt you. You know this. Deep down, you know it to be true. Stop being afraid of him."

"I'm not afraid of him."

"Then let him in! I know you're afraid he is going to do what Aizen did but he's not! He never will!" Kijo Muchi's voice rose. She wasn't an old looking woman. In fact, she looked rather young but her soul felt old. If she was a real woman, she would probably be a grandmother like figure to Sakura.

"Okay…" Sakura's voice came out a whisper, as she stood up from the table. It was time for her to go. She could feel herself starting to fade out. "I will talk to him, tomorrow."

"Good. I'm always here when you need me." Kijo Muchi stood up and walked to her mistress. She placed her hands onto Sakura's shoulder and leaned in. Her lips touched Sakura's cheek and it was over. Her eyes popped opened and she was back in her room. She looked down at the zanpakuto in her lap and smiled at it.

"You're such a pain in the ass." She stood up and put the sword away. Tomorrow, she would talk to him. She needed to.

The next day, Sakura sat in Kensei's office waiting for him. She was there earlier than almost all of the squad, including Shuhei and Mashiro. She sat in the chair across from his desk, with her legs crossed. Her foot wiggled anxiously as she awaited his arrival. Just when she was about to lose her nerve, he stepped into the office with a confused look on his face.

"Sakura?"

She hopped up from the chair and tried giving him a weak smile. "We need to talk…"


End file.
